This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She bit a glass in half.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
