There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
