More tranny stories later!
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
there is glitter all over my balls
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