I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
