Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize