I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
