how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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