I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
