I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
