Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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