I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize