Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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