Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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