You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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