Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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