I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
