I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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