How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
