pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
