Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He shit in the fireplace
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
