I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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