Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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