Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
