I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
