cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
