i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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