Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
