I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
