I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
