And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
