Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
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