If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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