We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
