Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
