yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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