dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
