I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
