And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize