don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
