Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
