And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
