you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
