You're so nebulous sometimes
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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