why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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