Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize