you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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