Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
