Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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