people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Randomize
