I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize