I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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