Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
