You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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