I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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