i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
where are my eyebrows?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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