You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
