just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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