i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
