8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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