he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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