She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize