I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize