Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
