i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
