So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
