Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
