okay pat passed out under dana's car
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
