Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
